Saddam Hungsein

Isn't that supposed to be Bin Laden? Guess we have to kill somebody.

Words From A Bum: Got money?

It's January 8, 2007. With new years come great responsibility or some shit like that.

With a president who can't tell the difference between a laptop and a lapdance, you get dumb results in reasons. But I know you heard it all before so I'm not going to bore you. Do you think it's fair that the government spends millions of dollars on useless things like:

The American Competitiveness Initiative

The plan costs $136 billion over 10 years. The plan calls for hiring 70,000 high school teachers to teach Advanced Placement courses in math and science, hiring 30,000 math and science professionals to teach in classrooms, and providing early help to students who struggle with math. I'm no expert but spending 136 billion on teachers we already have seems to be a waist of money. Do people even go to college to be teachers anymore? To me, the government makes it look like Beavis and Butthead are the futures of the US. Beavis has already made president and Dick "Gun Shooting In The Face" Butthead is the vice president.

Then we have Mr. Jaffer, USPS

Given a staff of 160 people with a $20 million budget. He would go out to restaurants and order all he wanted spending sometimes $1000+ on food/beverage. How much can one man eat? Not even Monica Lewinsky's fat ass would eat that much in a day. And even the meeting with the WB execs was expensive. What the hell would the USPS need with the WB? A BJ in NYC with the YWCA and YMCA?

Well I have to go now. I think I want to invest millions of the tax payers money on glow-in-the-dark pancakes.

Call Me Christmas

Out of all the last names to have. Why Christmas? And why name one of them Mary? Here's the story.

GAINESVILLE, Ga. - Don't bother making jokes. This family has heard them all. No, they don't communicate directly with Santa Claus. They don't celebrate the holidays year-round, and they certainly have some not-so-cheerful days. The smirks and the wisecracks are just part of life when your last name is Christmas, and especially so when two of your family members are named — no joke — Mary.

"People ask me all the time, `What were your parents thinking?'" said the younger Mary Christmas, 30. "I never minded. It's a conversation piece."

It all started on Christmas Day 1935, when the elder Mary wedded Henry Christmas, becoming Mary Christmas. They had Bob Christmas, who married Peggy and had six children.

Mary was born first and named for her grandmother. The spirit of the season took hold again when Christy Noel, now 23, was born in December.

And it doesn't end there. Bob's brother married Cathy Holiday, and they had a daughter named Carol. And Bob's sister married into the White family, becoming Jeane Christmas White.

The Christmas family lives up to its cheerful name. They are a lively bunch, finishing each other's sentences and laughing at a constant stream of jokes.

"You can tell we're a happy family," said the elder Mary Christmas, who is 90.

So what is Christmas like at the Christmases'?

Christmas Eve involves a family dinner, a church service, the reading of the Christmas story from the Bible and then one gift per family member. The children — ranging in age from 12 to 30 — build forts in the living room out of blankets and furniture and fall asleep watching Christmas movies. Christmas Day includes a big family brunch with biscuits and gravy, and a Christmas dinner.

The Christmas children agree that the only time their last name gets old is roll call at school. Many of them roll their eyes and groan at the thought.

"The first day of the semester in college, I was like, `Here we go,'" said the younger Mary, who graduated from Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va., where one of her professors made her stand up in front of a large lecture hall full of students when he saw her name on the class list.

Peggy said the name keeps her on her toes.

"When you're out shopping and things, you make sure you're not grumpy or rude to someone who's helping you because in the end when you go to pay, they see your name is Christmas," she said.

They also embrace their holiday heritage. The younger Mary's e-mail address begins with "jinglebells."

(In truth, the younger Mary goes by the name T.C., from her middle name, Theresa. And when she was a little girl, her mother sent her off to kindergarten as Theresa, for fear the other kids would tease her. But it doesn't take long for others to find out her jolly first name.)

Despite the lighthearted way the Christmases talk about their name, they take it very seriously, too.

"It would be my goal that our lives as a family exemplify not just the birth of Christ, but the life of Christ," said Robby, 28.

With that, he was met with a chorus of amens from the rest of the Christmases.

Merry Christmas

I know it's been hard since he went away. You sit at home looking out the window hoping he'd come back someday. But he won't. Not this Christmas and not the next. You'll never see him again because he died while trying to save all of us. But know that always when you think your without, know that you are always within the heart of somebody that still cares. Merry Christmas and try not to hold a grudge against the people he was fighting. They are wondering the same thing. And a little boy is mourning the death of a father just like you, or a mother or even their entire family. For them, they have nobody else. They'll grow up just like you and have hatred for a complete stranger just like you. You won't know each other but you will hate each others guts. And the cycle will continue until the end of time.

Perhaps the story was that your father was fighting the other child's father and somehow they both got killed. The siblings of each family swore revenge on the people responsible. You both grew up with hate and made your life into this giant ball of evil. You decide to go overseas to fight in the name of your father. The other child trains to be a suicide bomber. Somehow in 1 in a million chance, you both meet unknowingly overseas on the same ground your fathers died many years ago. You hate this person and that person hates you but neither of you have done any wrong until you reach for your gun and he reaches for his switch to set off the suicide bomb. You both have nothing to live for so dying would be the easy way to escape the pain. But somehow fate intervened and the gun will not shoot and the bomb will not explode. Coincidence? Maybe, or could be both fathers not wanting the same fate for their own children. Merry Christmas little Bobby Jo and Saalam.

I Heart "Heart Attack Grill"

TEMPE, Ariz. - The Heart Attack Grill — a theme restaurant whose specialties include the Quadruple Bypass Burger and Flatliner Fries, cooked in pure lard — is making health-care professionals' blood pressure rise, and not because of the menu.

It is because of the waitresses' naughty nurse uniforms.

The waitresses wear skimpy, cleavage-baring outfits, high heels and thigh-high stockings — a male fantasy that some nursing organizations say is an insult to the profession.

Several nurses have complained to the Arizona attorney general's office, and a national nursing group has repeatedly asked Heart Attack Grill owner Jon Basso to stop using the outfits.

"Nurses are the most sexually fantasized-about profession," said Sandy Summers, executive director of the Center for Nursing Advocacy, based in Baltimore. "We're asking people, if they're going to have these fantasies, please don't make it so public. Move these sexual fantasies to other professions."

Basso shrugs off Summers' complaints, and refers to her and her supporters as prudes, cranks and lunatics.

"If anything, I think it glorifies nurses to be thought of as a physically attractive and desirable individual," Basso said. "There's a Faye Dunaway, Florence Nightingale hipness to it. Nobody wants to think of themselves as some old battle ax who changes bedpans for a living."

The most serious complaint Basso has faced was made to the Arizona attorney general's office by the state Board of Nursing. In September, the attorney general's office wrote Basso a letter informing him that he is illegally using the word "nurse" at his restaurant and on his Web site. Citing Arizona Statute A.R.S. 32-1636, the attorney general said only someone who has a valid nursing license can use the title "nurse."

Basso refused to remove "nurse" from his Web site but inserted an asterisk next to every nurse reference and included the following disclaimer:

"The use of the word `nurse' above is only intended as a parody. None of the women pictured on our Web site actually have any medical training, nor do they attempt to provide any real medical services. It should be made clear that the Heart Attack Grill and its employees do NOT offer any therapeutic treatments (aside from laughter) whatsoever."

The attorney general's office sent a follow-up letter on Nov. 22 saying the Web site cleared up the issue, and it was resolved.

Basso said the complaints have been good for business, "all they've done is ensure there's going to be a gajillion of these all over the country."

The Heart Attack Grill opened a year ago with a Hooters-like formula of red meat and sexy waitresses. Diners choose from among four cheeseburgers: the Single, Double, Triple and Quadruple Bypass. The Quadruple is a towering monstrosity with four half-pound beef patties, four pieces of cheese and a mound of bacon.

"Essentially, it's nutritional pornography. It's so bad for you it's shocking," Basso said.

If "patients," as customers are called, finish a triple or quadruple bypass, waitresses will push them out to their cars in wheelchairs at no additional charge.

"The service is fantastic," Steve Koebensky of Scottsdale said with a snicker. "But they're overly dressed."

Phoenix resident Amanda Price, one of the few women customers at the restaurant, said the outfits did not offend her. "You don't hear nuns complaining about pregnant nun costumes, and that's more disgraceful than sexy nurses," she said.

But Scottsdale nurse Kira Wilder, who contributed to the letter-writing campaign against the Heart Attack Grill, complained: "Why do they have to denigrate the nursing profession and sexualize nursing? It's just not necessary."

Courtney Chapman, a 20-year-old waitress at the grill, said she found nothing wrong with the uniform or the stares she gets.

"They definitely look at us, but they're guys," she said. "If our butts are coming out the bottom of our skirts, and our boobs are coming out the top of our shirts, we're kind of asking for it."

I Vote Yay For Smack

With drugs all around for kids to get, you kind of wonder what you can do as a parent to stop it. I have the answer. There is no answer. Drugs will forever be here so you might as well stop sheltering your kid and let him/her grow and see the harsh reality themselves instead of you telling them about it.

A Lady Farts And Forces A Plane Down - True Story

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - It is considered polite to light a match after passing gas. Not while on a plane.

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.

"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

Chicks fart flowers and fresh spring air. Not this chick. I couldn't show my face again. She blamed it on a medical condition, HA HA HA HA! Now that's classic.

Eat A Baby, Save A Cow

For The Love of PETA

Heaven Beside You

Walking from a distance, an old man see's a light on the highest rock on the highest mountain. He walks up the rocky snowy mountain to see the light that was in the distance is beginning to fade. He rushes to it before it fades away. He finally reaches the rock and notices a bright object that he can not see. He goes closer to investigate. He reaches in the little hole where this bright object is located to see if it's hot. It's as cold as ice. He wraps it in cloth and picks it up and runs down the mountain. The ground begins to crumble behind him. He runs faster and faster until he reaches the bottom of the mountain. The bright object that he can not see is still in hand so he continues to go back to his village. He goes in the darkest room of the darkest village to read the bright object he picked up from the highest rock on the highest mountain. The object is too bright still. He asked a fellow elder how he can read this. The elder told him to go in the lowest village in the lowest valley for an answer. The old man follows the directions and reaches the valley within days. He meets with another elder. The old man tells the elder that he's from the darkest room from the darkest valley and that he picked up an object from the highest rock on the highest mountain and wanted to know what the explanation of this object. The elder tells him to follow the longest steepest trail down to the foggy valley and drop it in the water to uncover the truth of the object. The old man follows the instructions and goes to foggy valley. Once there, the old man notices 3 bridges down to the bottom of the foggy valley. He must decide which bridge he should take but he can't tell which one is the right one. He see's an elder and asks for directions. He tells the elder that he is from the darkest valley and that he found an object on the highest rock on the highest mountain. And that an elder from the lowest village in the lowest valley told him to come here. The elder asks to look at this object. The old man opens the cloth to show the elder the object. The elder is blinded by the bright object. He tells the old man to follow the 3rd bridge to the bottom of the foggy valley. "There" he said "will be the answer to your question. The old man goes down the 3rd bridge. He can't see anything but he continues to go down it. The bridge seems to be going forever but feels like he's going up. The sun is becoming more and more noticeable as minutes becomes hours and hours become days. Then out of nowhere, a big gust of wind blows through the foggy valley. The fog is no more. The old man looks around him and see's the bridge with no beginning and no ending. He walks a little further and the object in his hand gets darker. He's almost able to read it. He runs faster so he can read it further. He reads "It is..." on the object but he can't read the rest. He runs again and notices the end of the bridge. He can see that it ends but he can't see what it is connected to. He walks to the edge and looks down to nothing. He looks behind him and see's nothing. He tries to grab the rope of the bridge but it has also disappeared. He looks up to the heavens and see's nothing. He looks at the object and notices that he can read what it says.

It is your time to die old man, Heaven Beside You.

Bush Going For His Bachelor's At Hogwarts School of Magic

Smell That? I Smell Bullshit!

The Gloves Made Me Do It!



OJ "Killer" Simpson is doing a special on "If I Did It, Here's How It Happened". I can't believe this shit. If you claim you are so innocent, why in the hell would you do a special on how you would kill somebody that you "didn't" kill? I don't fucking know, here's the damn story below.

LOS ANGELES - Fox plans to broadcast an interview with O.J. Simpson in which the former football star discusses "how he would have committed" the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend, for which he was acquitted, the network said.

The two-part interview, titled "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29, the TV network said.

Simpson has agreed to an "unrestricted" interview with book publisher Judith Regan, Fox said.

"O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes," the network said in a statement. "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."

The interview will air days before Simpson's new book, "If I Did It," goes on sale Nov. 30. The book, published by Regan, "hypothetically describes how the murders would have been committed."

In a video clip on the network's Web site, an off-screen interviewer says to Simpson, "You wrote 'I have never seen so much blood in my life.'"

"I don't think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood," Simpson responds.

Simpson, who now lives in Florida, was acquitted in a criminal trial of the 1994 killings of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman. Simpson was later found liable in 1997 in a wrongful death lawsuit filed by the Goldman family.

Messages left with Simpson and his attorney Yale Galanter were not immediately returned.

Mario Fan

I picked up my brother's old games and started playing them. I'm now hooked on Super Mario Brothers. I can't believe this is so cool!

Crotch Rocket Gone Wrong

How can a fool proof idea go wrong?! Here's how:

LONDON (AFP) - A man was rushed to hospital in Britain with severe internal injuries after trying to launch a powerful firework from his bottom, an ambulance service spokesman said.

It is thought that the 22-year-old could have been trying to imitate a scene from "Jackass: The Movie", a controversial film featuring a series of edgy pranks.

Footage of the incident in Sunderland, north-east England, was captured on a mobile phone by a gang of youths and shows a white flash followed by hysterical laughter and a youth shouting: "Ha ha ha ha," followed by an expletive.

A spokesman for the North East ambulance service said: "We received a call stating there was a male who had a firework in his bottom and it was bleeding."

He is now recovering in a Sunderland hospital after sustaining internal injuries including a scorched colon.

The incident took place on November 5, when Britons light bonfires and let off fireworks to commemorate a 17th century plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament.

The video will appear on the internet in no time so until then:

Too Much Bad News To Tell

There is too much bad news in the news today. So I decided to post this instead of a story.

Naked Man Arrested For Concealed Weapon

EL CERRITO, Calif. - A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.

The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.

John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.

"You can't get much more concealed than that," Horgan said.

Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.

Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon.

"When you're talking about an awl or an ice pick and you're dealing with somebody who's fresh out of prison, it's a weapon. That's a stabbing instrument," Horgan said.

It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.

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I would give one of my famous quotes but the story does it all for me already. All I have to say is WTF?

Goodyear to cut 1,100 jobs

AKRON, Ohio - Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. said on Monday that it plans to close a plant in Tyler, Texas, despite a strike by workers who were upset about the tire maker's plan to shut down the factory.

The move will eliminate about 1,100 jobs and is part of Goodyear's strategy to end some of its private label tire business.

The plant, which opened in 1962, has produced approximately 25,000 passenger and light truck tires per day.

More than 12,000 United Steelworkers members in Tyler and 15 other plants in North America went on strike Oct. 5 after months of talks with the world's third biggest tire maker. No new talks have been scheduled.

The United Steelworkers, which represents Goodyear workers, said the announcement to close the Tyler plant was a slap in the face, particularly because the union took pay cuts, job losses and other concessions in 2000 to help get the company back on track financially.

"Now they seem committed to stripping away health care benefits from those who made the turnaround possible and to further close plants and abandon the business," said Tom Conway, USW vice president and chairman of the Goodyear negotiating team. "Their foolishness is outweighed only by their greed."

Goodyear has said the union refused to agree to help it remain competitive in a global economy. The union said the company's last proposal would have included two plant closings — the union says the other is in Gadsden, Ala. — and other concessions.

Goodyear said in June that it wanted to leave parts of the private label tire business and that the decision would mean a reduction in capacity. The company refused to name specific plants.

Goodyear previously announced to investors an aggressive strategy to reduce costs by more than $1 billion by 2008.

"We must take the steps necessary to reduce our costs and improve our competitive position," Jon Rich, president of North American Tire, said in a statement. "While this is an extremely difficult decision for everyone involved, it was required to help turn around our North American business."

He did not say when the plant will close.

At the company's headquarters in Akron, where union members have been keeping around-the-clock picket lines, strikers huddled around barrel fires for warmth said they were saddened by the closing announcement but not surprised.

"If they're closing that plant I'm sorry to hear it. You don't want to lose any jobs," said Frank Parravani, a 39-year employee who stood near about a dozen headstones made out of wood with the names of Goodyear plants on them, including Tyler, Gadsden and others.

The Tyler plant mostly makes small passenger tires, a segment that has been under considerable pressure from low cost imports.

Officials in Tyler, a city of about 84,000 people 100 miles east of Dallas, have been afraid of losing one of the area's largest employers. The city recently presented Goodyear with a $12 million incentive plan to keep the plant running.

Goodyear expects the Tyler closing to save it approximately $50 million a year after taxes. The closing will result in a restructuring charge of between $155 million and $165 million, with the cash portion of the charges estimated to be between $40 million and $50 million, the company said.

Goodyear shares rose 22 cents, or 1.47 percent, to close at $15.18 on the New York Stock Exchange. Shares have been trading between $9.75 and $19.31 over the last year.
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Guess it's not gonna be a good year after all

Wrong Place Right Time

Sometimes being in the right place at the right time is bad......

Who's Starbuck's Bitch?

Starbucks is bullying, accuse me, denies bullying the poor ol country of Ethiopia over beans.

Ethiopia has applied to trademark its most famous coffee names, Sidamo, Harar and Yirgacheffe, enabling it to capture more value from trade, control their use and allow farmers to receive a greater share of the retail price.

What's really in a name? Couldn't they just change the "Sidamo" to "Sadamo", kind of reminds of somebody from Iraq. Or perhaps "Harar" to "Horror" or "Yirgacheffe" to "Viagra Chef". I don't know about you but I'm in the mood for some Sadamo coffee right now and some Viagra Chef to get me to sleep.

New World Order!

With wars and murders going on, you just feel like nobody can save us from this world of hate. With a government being ran by toddlers looking for more power, things aren't getting any better no matter how they try to ruin it. The United States is worst now than it was before the Bush Era. Since we can't count on our own government to help us all, we have to look elsewhere.

Is there anybody that can help us? Falcons, where are you?

This is the gayest thing in the world.



I'm glad that the goverment is not the only one releasing dumb shit. The girl in the red, sexy.

I'm Going To Wheelchair Hell For This

Proof that anybody can get a girl.

LONDON - Renowned astrophysicist and best-selling author Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce, according to media reports Friday.

British newspapers reported he and his wife, Elaine, have lodged divorce papers at Cambridge County Court.

Graham Jones, the office manager at the court, said he could not comment on family cases.

Hawking's university spokeswoman, Judith Croasdell, declined to comment on the reports.

Hawking has been married to his wife, Elaine, 55, for 11 years. Hawking divorced in 1991 from his first wife, Jane, with whom he has three children.

The mathematics professor at the University of Cambridge has done groundbreaking work on black holes and the origins of the universe, making him one of the best-known theoretical physicists of his generation.

The 64-year-old scientist, author of the best seller "A Brief History of Time," is almost completely paralyzed by amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or Lou Gehrig's disease. He communicates with the help of a voice synthesizer, which was designed by his wife's previous husband.

Or maybe not.