Life's A Bitch, But You Still Wanna Do Her Again

Bosses pissing you off? You work hard on your wages or salary and get nothing extra for it? Life getting you down? Well I have the perfect gift for you! No I don't. Life is going to continuously screw you doggy style until it makes you squeal like little pig getting ready for the slaughter. What can you do to fix it? Nothing. Life is that broken vase that can't be replaced. No matter how much glue you use to put it back together, it still begins to crumble at the weight. What's the point of it all? No point. Life will continue to sleep with your best friends and take money out of your wallet at the end of the night. If life was a pimp, it would've bitch slapped you by now. Life is a whore you can't live without. You can sleep around on life but you always go back to it, because, life sucks! It sucks giant King Kong dick!

You turn on the news and all you see is somebody else's life is fucked over. Life has claimed another victim for jail. Where's life now? It's the soap waiting for you to pick up in the jail shower. And it fucks you over again!
So enjoy the bitch we call life. She's waiting behind you.

11 Dead and Over 100 Injured flying Kites

At least 11 people died and more than 100 people were injured at an annual spring festival in eastern Pakistan celebrated with the flying of thousands of colourful kites, officials said today.

The deaths and injuries were caused by stray bullets, sharpened kite-strings, electrocution and people falling off rooftops yesterday at the conclusion of the two-day Basant festival, said Ruqia Bano, spokeswoman for emergency service in the city of Lahore.

The festival is regularly marred by casualties caused by sharp kite strings or celebratory gunshots fired into the air.

Kite flyers often use strings made of wire or coated with ground glass to try to cross and cut a rival’s string or damage the other kite, often after betting on the outcome.


Authorities temporarily lifted a ban on kite flying that was imposed last year following a string of deaths at the festival.

Lahore Mayor Mian Amier Mahmood said that the two-day permission to fly kites ended yesterday and the ban has been re-imposed.

Police arrested more than 700 people for using sharpened kite strings or firing guns and seized 282 illegally held weapons during this year’s festival, said Aftab Cheema, a senior Lahore police officer.

Smile, It's Freakin' Monday!

I'm getting tired of Anna's sex life. Now a big black guy is involved. I guess you have to be dead and have sex with black people to be considered famous now, consider me golding

Here's the damn story

NASSAU, Bahamas - Photographs of Anna Nicole Smith in bed embracing the Bahamian immigration minister who approved her application for permanent residency here revived a political scandal in the islands Monday.

Also Monday, the son-in-law of the American developer embroiled in an ownership dispute over the Nassau mansion where Smith was living said he found methadone in her bedroom refrigerator when he went to secure the estate following her death in Florida last week.

A private pathologist has said methadone contributed to the death of Smith's 20-year-old son Daniel in the Bahamas in September. Daniel Smith died while visiting his mother and newborn half-sister in a Bahamas hospital and an inquest into his death in the Bahamas is planned.

Two photographs published on the front page of The Tribune of Nassau Monday showed Smith and Immigration Minister Shane Gibson, both fully clothed, embracing on a bed decorated with pink flowers and a white ribbon. In one of the photos, they look into each other's eyes, their faces only a couple of inches apart.

Gibson, an elected member of Parliament from the ruling Progressive Liberal Party, has already been accused of showing Smith preferential treatment by fast-tracking her residency application last year. With general elections due this spring, many said the photographs, taken in Smith's bedroom, could damage the ruling party.

Cassius Stuart, leader of the Bahamas Democratic Movement, said Gibson has "shamed" the Bahamas and called for him to resign.

"He should do the right thing and step down," he told reporters outside Smith's Nassau residence. The BDM is a small opposition party with no seats in parliament.

Gibson did not return calls seeking comment. But government spokesman Al Dillette dismissed any suggestion of impropriety.

"Minister Gibson is a friend of Anna Nicole, and that's all a matter of public record," he said.

John Marquis, managing editor of The Tribune, declined to say who provided the photographs. He said he published them because of their potential political impact.

"For the Bahamas, it's not just a salacious story," he said. "It's a story with pretty far-reaching political implications."

Ron Rale, a lawyer for Smith and representative of her most recent companion, Howard K. Stern, scrambled Monday to keep control over items he said were stolen from the mansion over the weekend, including images from a computer taken from the house.

Rale said anyone who disseminates the items without his prior written consent "will be held liable to the fullest extent of the law." Rale said police have recovered all the missing property.

Meanwhile, Ford Shelley, the son-in-law of developer G. Ben Thompson who once dated Smith, said he found the methadone Friday when he went to secure the house after Smith died Thursday in Florida.

Both Smith and Thompson claimed ownership of the $900,000 house. Thompson said he loaned Smith money for the house, but Smith claimed Thompson had given her the gated mansion as a gift.

Shelley told The Associated Press by telephone from Myrtle Beach, S.C., that he notified police about the drugs, saying he felt a responsibility to do so.

Shelley said he came to Nassau after hearing that Gibson's mother, who was reportedly caring for Smith's 5-month-old daughter during her trip to Florida, went to the house to remove some of the baby's things.

Stern has since reclaimed the mansion and is staying there with the baby, Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern.

Stern said he is trying to keep Smith's mother, Vergie Arthur, from seeing Dannielynn. Arthur traveled from the United States and went to the gates of the mansion on Sunday.

Stern insisted that Smith hated her mother.

"She just despised that woman," Stern said, in a video segment broadcast Monday on ABC's "Good Morning America."

Arthur told "Good Morning America" that she fears for Dannielynn's safety, noting Stern had been present when Daniel Smith died.

"I do have a problem with her being with Howard Stern," Arthur said. "I had a daughter and I had a grandson. He was there when both of them died. Now I only have a granddaughter left, and now he has her, and I'm afraid for her."

Stern is listed on a birth certificate as Dannielynn's father. But two other men have challenged the paternity claim.

A former boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, has filed a lawsuit claiming he is the father. Arthur backs his claim.

Prince Frederic von Anhalt, the husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, has said he had a decade-long affair with Smith and may be the father. He said Monday he plans to file a paternity challenge in court and wants a DNA test.

Since the death in 1995 of her 90-year-old husband, Texas oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, Smith had been waging a court battle over his estate

Anna Nicole Smith's Sex Life

Ok I'm just looking at the news in the world and I see hunderds of people dying and the one thing that I can't seem to stop thinking about is Anna Nicole Smith's sex life. Why am I thinking about a dead person's sex life? Well let me just post this video for no apparent reason below and continue.

NASSAU, Bahamas - The locks at the Bahamas mansion where Anna Nicole Smith had been living were changed twice Saturday as an ownership dispute heated up between her estate and a U.S. developer who had a brief relationship with her.

Outside the gated mansion in Nassau, Smith's attorney Wayne Munroe told reporters he had retaken possession of the estate and filed a robbery complaint with police over computer equipment and other personal effects allegedly taken out.

Several hours earlier, the attorney for a U.S. developer who also claims ownership of the waterfront mansion, said he had the locks changed, put a chain on the gate and had taken control of the residence on behalf of his client.

The South Carolina developer, G. Ben Thompson, had a brief relationship with Smith and was embroiled in an ownership dispute with the 39-year-old former Playboy playmate before she died Thursday in Florida.

Smith had claimed that Thompson bought her the house as a gift.

Thompson's attorney, Godfrey Pinder, has said the house was on loan to Smith. He said Smith's death meant her claims to the mansion were no longer legitimate.

Munroe, standing beside Pinder outside the home as he spoke, said the former Playboy playmate bought the mansion in July for $900,000. Her ownership of the home was the basis of Smith's claim to residency in the Bahamas. Smith had filed a lawsuit asking a Bahamas court to recognize her purchase and reject Thompson's claim to the house.

The Bahamas Supreme Court has scheduled a Feb. 26 hearing on the matter, Munroe said.

The cause of Smith's death has not yet been determined. Broward County medical examiner Dr. Joshua Perper, who performed an autopsy on Friday, said afterward it could take weeks to determine why she died. He said no illegal drugs were discovered in Smith's room at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Fla. where she collapsed Thursday. But prescription drugs were found.

Smith's 5-month-old baby, Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern, was not with Smith when she died and is believed to be in the Bahamas. But the exact whereabouts of the baby, who is at the center of a broadening custody battle, were unknown Saturday.

Munroe said he did not know where the child was but stressed that Howard K. Stern, Smith's most recent companion, is due custody of the baby. A birth certificate for Dannielynn lists Stern as the girl's father.

"As the other registered parent, Howard Stern has the right to speak to the custody of Dannielynn. That has to be respected unless and until a court — not a person — says otherwise," Munroe said.

Witnesses reported seeing Stern inside the mansion with TV crews shortly before the attorneys spoke to reporters, and Munroe confirmed that he was in Nassau. Several SUVS with black-tinted windows exited the grounds earlier.

Pinder said earlier that Bahamian Immigration Minister Shane Gibson's mother was permitted into the waterfront home late Friday to remove some of Smith's personal effects. The government official was a friend of Smith's.

The baby's paternity has been challenged by two other men.

A former boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, has filed suit claiming he is the father. On Friday, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, the husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, announced he had a decade-long affair with Smith and may be the father.

Smith was in a long legal battle over the fortune of her late husband, Texas oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, and experts say the decision on custody could determine the child's inheritance.

Smith's mother, Vergie Arthur, arrived Friday in Nassau to check on the welfare of her granddaughter, police said. Arthur could not be reached for comment Saturday.

On Friday, she told ABC's "Good Morning America" that she believes drugs played a role in her daughter's death.

Smith gave birth to Dannielynn on Sept. 7. Three days later, her 20-year-old son, Daniel Smith, died while visiting her in the hospital. The cause of his death is still under investigation in the Bahamas. A private medical examiner hired by the family concluded he died from an accidental, lethal combination of methadone and antidepressants.

So it's 3 guys saying that he's the father of her baby.

1) Howard Stern
2) Frederick Prinz von Anhalt
3) Some Other Guy

Now this guy has had a relationship with her too. I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, nah.

Bad Things Knocking On The Door

I never was a big fan of hers but I thought she was funny when she never meant to be.

Having a child and then losing another and then dying yourself is a life nobody should have. Especially so close together.

Here's the story from the news:

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. - Anna Nicole Smith, the pneumatic blonde whose life played out as an extraordinary tabloid tale — Playboy centerfold, jeans model, bride of an octogenarian oil tycoon, reality-show subject, tragic mother — died Thursday after collapsing at a hotel. She was 39.

She was stricken while staying at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino and was rushed to a hospital. Edwina Johnson, chief investigator for the Broward County Medical Examiner's Office, said the cause of death was under investigation and an autopsy would be done on Friday.

Just five months ago, Smith's 20-year-old son, Daniel, died suddenly in the Bahamas in what was believed to be drug-related.

Seminole Police Chief Charlie Tiger said a private nurse called 911 after finding Smith unresponsive in her sixth-floor room at the hotel, which is on an Indian reservation. He said Smith's bodyguard administered CPR, but she was declared dead at a hospital.

Through the '90s and into the new century, Smith was famous for being famous, a pop-culture punchline because of her up-and-down weight, her Marilyn Monroe looks, her exaggerated curves, her little-girl voice, her ditzy-blonde persona, and her over-the-top revealing outfits.

Recently, she lost a reported 69 pounds and became a spokeswoman for TrimSpa, a weight-loss supplement. On her reality show and other recent TV appearances, her speech was often slurred and she seemed out of it. Some critics said she seemed drugged-out.

"Undoubtedly it will be found at the end of the day that drugs featured in her death as they did in the death of poor Daniel," said a former attorney for Smith in the Bahamas, Michael Scott.

Another former Smith attorney, Lenard Leeds, told the celebrity gossip Web site TMZ that Smith "always had problems with her weight going up and down, and there's no question she used alcohol." Leeds said it was no secret that "she had a very troubled life" and had "so many, many problems."

"She wanted to be like Marilyn her whole life and ironically died in a similar manner," Leeds said. Monroe died of a drug overdose at age 36 in 1962.

Smith attorney Ron Rale told The Associated Press that he had talked to her on Tuesday or Wednesday, and she had flu symptoms and a fever and was still grieving over her son.

"Poor Anna Nicole," he said. "She's been the underdog. She's been besieged ... and she's been trying her best and nobody should have to endure what she's endured."

The Texas-born Smith was a topless dancer at strip club before she entered her photos in a search contest and made the cover of Playboy magazine in 1992. She became Playboy's playmate of the year in 1993. She was also signed to a contract with Guess jeans, appearing in TV commercials, billboards and magazine ads.

In 1994, she married 89-year-old oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, owner of Great Northern Oil Co. In 1992, Forbes magazine estimated his wealth at $550 million.

In a 2005 interview with ABC, Smith recalled meeting Marshall at what she called a "gentleman's club' in Houston. "He had no will to live and I went over to see him," she said. "He got a little twinkle in his eyes, and he asked me to dance for him. And I did."

Marshall died in 1995 at age 90, setting off a feud with Smith's former stepson, E. Pierce Marshall, over his estate. A federal court in California awarded Smith $474 million. That was later overturned. But in May, the U.S. Supreme Court revived her case, ruling that she deserved another day in court.

The stepson died June 20 at age 67. But the family said the court fight would continue.

Smith starred in her own reality TV series, "The Anna Nicole Show," in 2002-04. Cameras followed her around as she sparred with her lawyer, hung out with her personal assistant and interior decorator, and cooed at her poodle, Sugar Pie. She also appeared in movies, performing a bit part in "The Hudsucker Proxy" in 1994.

After news came of Smith's death, G. Eric Brunstad Jr., the lawyer who represented Marshall, said in a statement: "We're very shocked by the news and extend the deepest condolences to her family."

In a statement, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner said: "I am very saddened to learn about Anna Nicole's passing. She was a dear friend who meant a great deal to the Playboy family and to me personally."

Smith's son died Sept. 10 in his mother's hospital room in the Bahamas, just days after she gave birth to a daughter.

An American medical examiner hired by the family, Cyril Wecht, said he died accidentally of a combination of methadone and two antidepressants. Last month, a Bahamas magistrate scheduled a formal inquiry into the death for March 27.

Meanwhile, the paternity of Smith's now 5-month-old daughter remained a matter of dispute. The birth certificate lists Dannielynn's father as attorney Howard K. Stern, Smith's most recent companion. Smith's ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead was waging a legal challenge, saying he was the father.

Debra Opri, the attorney who filed his paternity suit, said Birkhead "is devastated. He is inconsolable, and we are taking steps now to protect the DNA testing of the child. The child is our No. 1 priority."

Smith was born Vickie Lynn Hogan on Nov. 28, 1967, in Houston, one of six children. Her parents split up when she was a toddler, and she was raised by her mother, a deputy sheriff.

She dropped out after 11th grade after she was expelled for fighting, and worked as a waitress and then a cook at Jim's Krispy Fried Chicken restaurant in Mexia.

She married 16-year-old fry cook Bill Smith in 1985, giving birth to Daniel before divorcing two years later.

Astronaut Wears Diaper To A Kidnapping

And yes, she peed her pants........Oh The Humanity!

Feel free to scroll to the bottom of this post to play the video "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" from The Proclaimers while reading.

Here's the story!

ORLANDO, Fla. - An astronaut drove 900 miles and donned a disguise to confront a woman she believed was her rival for the affections of a space shuttle pilot, police said. She was arrested Monday and charged with attempted kidnapping and other counts.

U.S. Navy Capt. Lisa Nowak, 43, who flew last July on a shuttle mission to the international space station, was also charged with attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery. She was denied bail.

Police said Nowak drove from her home in Houston to the Orlando International Airport to confront Colleen Shipman.

Nowak believed Shipman was romantically involved with Navy Cmdr. William Oefelein, a pilot during space shuttle Discovery's trip to the space station last December, police said.

Nowak told police that her relationship with Oefelein was "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship," according to an arrest affidavit. Police officers recovered a love letter to Oefelein in her car.

NASA spokesman James Hartsfield in Houston said that, as of Monday, Nowak's status with the astronaut corps remained unchanged.

"What will happen beyond that, I will not speculate," he said.

Hartsfield said he couldn't recall the last time an astronaut was arrested and said there were no rules against fraternizing among astronauts.

When she found out that Shipman was flying to Orlando from Houston, Nowak decided to confront her, according to the arrest affidavit. Nowak raced from Houston to Orlando wearing diapers so she wouldn't have to stop to urinate, authorities said.

Astronauts wear diapers during launch and re-entry.

Dressed in a wig and a trench coat, Nowak boarded an airport bus that Shipman took to her car in an airport parking lot. Shipman told police she noticed someone following her, hurried inside the car and locked the doors, according to the arrest affidavit.

Nowak rapped on the window, tried to open the car door and asked for a ride. Shipman refused but rolled down the car window a few inches when Nowak started crying. Nowak then sprayed a chemical into Shipman's car, the affidavit said.

Shipman drove to the parking lot booth, and the police were called.

During a check of the parking lot, an officer followed Nowak and watched her throw away a bag containing the wig and BB gun. They also found a steel mallet, a 4-inch folding knife, rubber tubing, $600 and garbage bags inside a bag Nowak was carrying when she was arrested, authorities said.

Inside Nowak's vehicle, which was parked at a nearby motel, authorities uncovered a pepper spray package, an unused BB-gun cartridge, latex gloves and e-mails between Shipman and Oefelein. They also found a letter "that indicated how much Mrs. Nowak loved Mr. Oefelein," an opened package for a buck knife, Shipman's home address and hand written directions to the address, the arrest affidavit said.

Police said Nowak told them that she only wanted to scare Shipman into talking to her about her relationship with Oefelein and didn't want to harm her physically.

"If you were just going to talk to someone, I don't know that you would need a wig, a trench coat, an air cartridge BB gun and pepper spray," said Sgt. Barbara Jones, a spokeswoman for the Orlando Police Department. "It's just really a very sad case. ... Now she ends up finding herself on the other side of the law with some very serious charges."

If convicted of attempted kidnapping, Nowak could face a maximum of life in prison.

It was not immediately known whether Nowak had an attorney.

Oefelein and Shipman did not immediately return phone messages Monday night.

According to NASA's official biography, Nowak is married with three children. During her 13-day mission in July she operated the robotic arm during three spacewalks.

Oefelein is unmarried. He piloted the space shuttle Discovery in December. He has two children, according to a NASA biography.

Nowak and Oefelein were both first-time fliers during their shuttle missions last year. They trained together but never flew together.

--------------------

Where do I begin, uh, yes, she drove over 900 miles, in a diaper, with a wig, a bb gun, a map, rubber tubing, $600, garbage bags, and other useless shit. But she forgot one thing, her dignity. She must've left that in her Wonder Woman outfit in the Bat Cave with Goofy. WTF! Good to see that good ol' NASA training is working out great for people. Where else would she get the idea to wear a diaper to take a piss instead of actually stopping at an actual rest stop to do it? It's genius! Why should I have to go to the bathroom in a stall when I can go shitty and piss crazy in my pants! I'm going to stop now because I seem to be getting dumbererest as I write about this.