Heaven Beside You

Walking from a distance, an old man see's a light on the highest rock on the highest mountain. He walks up the rocky snowy mountain to see the light that was in the distance is beginning to fade. He rushes to it before it fades away. He finally reaches the rock and notices a bright object that he can not see. He goes closer to investigate. He reaches in the little hole where this bright object is located to see if it's hot. It's as cold as ice. He wraps it in cloth and picks it up and runs down the mountain. The ground begins to crumble behind him. He runs faster and faster until he reaches the bottom of the mountain. The bright object that he can not see is still in hand so he continues to go back to his village. He goes in the darkest room of the darkest village to read the bright object he picked up from the highest rock on the highest mountain. The object is too bright still. He asked a fellow elder how he can read this. The elder told him to go in the lowest village in the lowest valley for an answer. The old man follows the directions and reaches the valley within days. He meets with another elder. The old man tells the elder that he's from the darkest room from the darkest valley and that he picked up an object from the highest rock on the highest mountain and wanted to know what the explanation of this object. The elder tells him to follow the longest steepest trail down to the foggy valley and drop it in the water to uncover the truth of the object. The old man follows the instructions and goes to foggy valley. Once there, the old man notices 3 bridges down to the bottom of the foggy valley. He must decide which bridge he should take but he can't tell which one is the right one. He see's an elder and asks for directions. He tells the elder that he is from the darkest valley and that he found an object on the highest rock on the highest mountain. And that an elder from the lowest village in the lowest valley told him to come here. The elder asks to look at this object. The old man opens the cloth to show the elder the object. The elder is blinded by the bright object. He tells the old man to follow the 3rd bridge to the bottom of the foggy valley. "There" he said "will be the answer to your question. The old man goes down the 3rd bridge. He can't see anything but he continues to go down it. The bridge seems to be going forever but feels like he's going up. The sun is becoming more and more noticeable as minutes becomes hours and hours become days. Then out of nowhere, a big gust of wind blows through the foggy valley. The fog is no more. The old man looks around him and see's the bridge with no beginning and no ending. He walks a little further and the object in his hand gets darker. He's almost able to read it. He runs faster so he can read it further. He reads "It is..." on the object but he can't read the rest. He runs again and notices the end of the bridge. He can see that it ends but he can't see what it is connected to. He walks to the edge and looks down to nothing. He looks behind him and see's nothing. He tries to grab the rope of the bridge but it has also disappeared. He looks up to the heavens and see's nothing. He looks at the object and notices that he can read what it says.

It is your time to die old man, Heaven Beside You.

Bush Going For His Bachelor's At Hogwarts School of Magic

Smell That? I Smell Bullshit!

The Gloves Made Me Do It!



OJ "Killer" Simpson is doing a special on "If I Did It, Here's How It Happened". I can't believe this shit. If you claim you are so innocent, why in the hell would you do a special on how you would kill somebody that you "didn't" kill? I don't fucking know, here's the damn story below.

LOS ANGELES - Fox plans to broadcast an interview with O.J. Simpson in which the former football star discusses "how he would have committed" the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend, for which he was acquitted, the network said.

The two-part interview, titled "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29, the TV network said.

Simpson has agreed to an "unrestricted" interview with book publisher Judith Regan, Fox said.

"O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes," the network said in a statement. "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."

The interview will air days before Simpson's new book, "If I Did It," goes on sale Nov. 30. The book, published by Regan, "hypothetically describes how the murders would have been committed."

In a video clip on the network's Web site, an off-screen interviewer says to Simpson, "You wrote 'I have never seen so much blood in my life.'"

"I don't think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood," Simpson responds.

Simpson, who now lives in Florida, was acquitted in a criminal trial of the 1994 killings of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman. Simpson was later found liable in 1997 in a wrongful death lawsuit filed by the Goldman family.

Messages left with Simpson and his attorney Yale Galanter were not immediately returned.

Mario Fan

I picked up my brother's old games and started playing them. I'm now hooked on Super Mario Brothers. I can't believe this is so cool!

Crotch Rocket Gone Wrong

How can a fool proof idea go wrong?! Here's how:

LONDON (AFP) - A man was rushed to hospital in Britain with severe internal injuries after trying to launch a powerful firework from his bottom, an ambulance service spokesman said.

It is thought that the 22-year-old could have been trying to imitate a scene from "Jackass: The Movie", a controversial film featuring a series of edgy pranks.

Footage of the incident in Sunderland, north-east England, was captured on a mobile phone by a gang of youths and shows a white flash followed by hysterical laughter and a youth shouting: "Ha ha ha ha," followed by an expletive.

A spokesman for the North East ambulance service said: "We received a call stating there was a male who had a firework in his bottom and it was bleeding."

He is now recovering in a Sunderland hospital after sustaining internal injuries including a scorched colon.

The incident took place on November 5, when Britons light bonfires and let off fireworks to commemorate a 17th century plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament.

The video will appear on the internet in no time so until then:

Too Much Bad News To Tell

There is too much bad news in the news today. So I decided to post this instead of a story.

Naked Man Arrested For Concealed Weapon

EL CERRITO, Calif. - A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors — naked — and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.

The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.

John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.

"You can't get much more concealed than that," Horgan said.

Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.

Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon.

"When you're talking about an awl or an ice pick and you're dealing with somebody who's fresh out of prison, it's a weapon. That's a stabbing instrument," Horgan said.

It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.

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I would give one of my famous quotes but the story does it all for me already. All I have to say is WTF?

Goodyear to cut 1,100 jobs

AKRON, Ohio - Goodyear Tire & Rubber Co. said on Monday that it plans to close a plant in Tyler, Texas, despite a strike by workers who were upset about the tire maker's plan to shut down the factory.

The move will eliminate about 1,100 jobs and is part of Goodyear's strategy to end some of its private label tire business.

The plant, which opened in 1962, has produced approximately 25,000 passenger and light truck tires per day.

More than 12,000 United Steelworkers members in Tyler and 15 other plants in North America went on strike Oct. 5 after months of talks with the world's third biggest tire maker. No new talks have been scheduled.

The United Steelworkers, which represents Goodyear workers, said the announcement to close the Tyler plant was a slap in the face, particularly because the union took pay cuts, job losses and other concessions in 2000 to help get the company back on track financially.

"Now they seem committed to stripping away health care benefits from those who made the turnaround possible and to further close plants and abandon the business," said Tom Conway, USW vice president and chairman of the Goodyear negotiating team. "Their foolishness is outweighed only by their greed."

Goodyear has said the union refused to agree to help it remain competitive in a global economy. The union said the company's last proposal would have included two plant closings — the union says the other is in Gadsden, Ala. — and other concessions.

Goodyear said in June that it wanted to leave parts of the private label tire business and that the decision would mean a reduction in capacity. The company refused to name specific plants.

Goodyear previously announced to investors an aggressive strategy to reduce costs by more than $1 billion by 2008.

"We must take the steps necessary to reduce our costs and improve our competitive position," Jon Rich, president of North American Tire, said in a statement. "While this is an extremely difficult decision for everyone involved, it was required to help turn around our North American business."

He did not say when the plant will close.

At the company's headquarters in Akron, where union members have been keeping around-the-clock picket lines, strikers huddled around barrel fires for warmth said they were saddened by the closing announcement but not surprised.

"If they're closing that plant I'm sorry to hear it. You don't want to lose any jobs," said Frank Parravani, a 39-year employee who stood near about a dozen headstones made out of wood with the names of Goodyear plants on them, including Tyler, Gadsden and others.

The Tyler plant mostly makes small passenger tires, a segment that has been under considerable pressure from low cost imports.

Officials in Tyler, a city of about 84,000 people 100 miles east of Dallas, have been afraid of losing one of the area's largest employers. The city recently presented Goodyear with a $12 million incentive plan to keep the plant running.

Goodyear expects the Tyler closing to save it approximately $50 million a year after taxes. The closing will result in a restructuring charge of between $155 million and $165 million, with the cash portion of the charges estimated to be between $40 million and $50 million, the company said.

Goodyear shares rose 22 cents, or 1.47 percent, to close at $15.18 on the New York Stock Exchange. Shares have been trading between $9.75 and $19.31 over the last year.
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Guess it's not gonna be a good year after all

Wrong Place Right Time

Sometimes being in the right place at the right time is bad......

Who's Starbuck's Bitch?

Starbucks is bullying, accuse me, denies bullying the poor ol country of Ethiopia over beans.

Ethiopia has applied to trademark its most famous coffee names, Sidamo, Harar and Yirgacheffe, enabling it to capture more value from trade, control their use and allow farmers to receive a greater share of the retail price.

What's really in a name? Couldn't they just change the "Sidamo" to "Sadamo", kind of reminds of somebody from Iraq. Or perhaps "Harar" to "Horror" or "Yirgacheffe" to "Viagra Chef". I don't know about you but I'm in the mood for some Sadamo coffee right now and some Viagra Chef to get me to sleep.

New World Order!

With wars and murders going on, you just feel like nobody can save us from this world of hate. With a government being ran by toddlers looking for more power, things aren't getting any better no matter how they try to ruin it. The United States is worst now than it was before the Bush Era. Since we can't count on our own government to help us all, we have to look elsewhere.

Is there anybody that can help us? Falcons, where are you?

This is the gayest thing in the world.



I'm glad that the goverment is not the only one releasing dumb shit. The girl in the red, sexy.

I'm Going To Wheelchair Hell For This

Proof that anybody can get a girl.

LONDON - Renowned astrophysicist and best-selling author Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce, according to media reports Friday.

British newspapers reported he and his wife, Elaine, have lodged divorce papers at Cambridge County Court.

Graham Jones, the office manager at the court, said he could not comment on family cases.

Hawking's university spokeswoman, Judith Croasdell, declined to comment on the reports.

Hawking has been married to his wife, Elaine, 55, for 11 years. Hawking divorced in 1991 from his first wife, Jane, with whom he has three children.

The mathematics professor at the University of Cambridge has done groundbreaking work on black holes and the origins of the universe, making him one of the best-known theoretical physicists of his generation.

The 64-year-old scientist, author of the best seller "A Brief History of Time," is almost completely paralyzed by amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or Lou Gehrig's disease. He communicates with the help of a voice synthesizer, which was designed by his wife's previous husband.

Or maybe not.

Are You Racist?

I can't feel the pain black err African Americans deal with but stuff like that just makes me feel bad. Buckwheat would never say that. That's the most racist quote ever! But its cracking me up!

I've never been a racist. I generally hate all people equally.

So next time you see racism, you stop that person and you tell them, "You are a racist asshole! You need to rethink the way you treat other people. You wouldn't want them to disrespect you would you?" O-Tay.

Silence Broken By Gas Leak

LONDON (AFP) - A suspect was slammed in the cells after he broke wind in a British court then burst out laughing about it.

Joseph Wildy let rip and refused to apologise after he had a fit of the giggles with his co-defendants on Tuesday.

However, magistrate Simon Bridge, sitting in Blackpool, on the northwest coast of England, was not amused by his interruption. He found Wildy in contempt of court and ordered him to be locked up.

After cooling off in the cells, Wildy returned to court 90 minutes later and apologised to Bridge.

"He was laughing in court, that's why he was found in contempt," said a court spokeswoman.

"It was for interrupting the proceedings by laughing, and then refusing to apologise."

Wildy pleaded not guilty to handling stolen goods and was bailed to reappear at a later date at the same court.

Kim Jong-il In: The Bomberman!

Ok, so he blew up a nuclear bomb underground and now the world is going crazy. Do you think he cares? He's doing this on purpose for attention. He is to North Korea as Paris Hilton is to the United States. He's the Paris Hilton of North Korea! Can't way to see him on The Simple Life with Bush.

No School Today

GEORGETOWN, Pa. - Dozens of Amish neighbors came out Saturday to mourn the quiet milkman who killed five of their young girls and wounded five more in a brief, unfathomable rampage.

Charles Carl Roberts IV, 32, was buried in his wife's family plot behind a small Methodist church, a few miles from the one-room schoolhouse he stormed Monday.

His wife, Marie, and their three small children looked on as Roberts was buried beside the pink, heart-shaped grave of the infant daughter whose death nine years ago apparently haunted him, said Bruce Porter, a fire department chaplain from Colorado who attended the service.

About half of perhaps 75 mourners on hand were Amish.

"It's the love, the forgiveness, the heartfelt forgiveness they have toward the family. I broke down and cried seeing it displayed," said Porter, who had come to Pennsylvania to offer what help he could. He said Marie Roberts was also touched.

"She was absolutely deeply moved, by just the love shown," Porter said.

Leaders of the local Amish community were gathering Saturday afternoon at a firehouse to decide the future of the schoolhouse, and of the school year itself.

The prevailing wisdom suggested a new school would be built.

"There will definitely be a new school built, but not on that property," said Mike Hart, a spokesman for the Bart Fire Company in Georgetown.

Roberts stormed the West Nickel Mines Amish School on Monday, releasing the 15 boys and four adults before tying up and shooting the 10 girls. Roberts, who had come armed with a shotgun, a handgun and a stun gun, then killed himself.

Roberts' suicide notes and last calls with his wife reveal a man tormented by memories — as yet unsubstantiated — of molesting two young relatives 20 years ago. He said he was also angry at God for the Nov. 14, 1997, death of the couple's first child, a girl named Elise Victoria who lived for just 20 minutes.

Hart is one of two non-Amish community members serving on a 10-member board that will decide how to distribute donations that have come in following the global news coverage. One stranger walked into the firehouse Saturday morning and dropped a $100 bill in the collection jar.

The condolences flowing into the Bart Post Office filled three large cartons on Saturday — two for the Amish children and one for the Roberts clan.

"(It's) envelopes, packages, food and a lot of cards," clerk Helena Salerno said.

More than $500,000 has been pledged, some of which is expected to cover medical costs for the five surviving girls. They remain hospitalized, and one is said to be in grave condition.

As the Sabbath Day approached, close friends expected to spend Sunday paying visits to the victims' families.

The funerals for the five slain girls — Marian Fisher, 13; Anna Mae Stoltzfus, 12; Naomi Rose Ebersol, 7, and sisters Mary Liz Miller, 8, and Lena Miller, 7 — were held Thursday and Friday.

One Amish woman, an aunt to the Miller girls, set out Saturday to retrieve some of the flowers dropped near the school and bring them to the families.

She was traveling on an Amish scooter and tried to balance two potted plants before going home and returning for the task with a child's small wagon.

The massacre sent out images to the world not only of the violence, but also of a little-known community that chooses to live an insular, agrarian way of life, shunning cars, electricity and other modern conveniences.

By Saturday, the hordes of satellite trucks and stand-up reporters had mostly left the country roads, and a semblance of routine returned. Early in the morning, Amish farmers hauled farm equipment past the boarded-up school.

"It was just getting to be too much," said Jane Kreider, a 48-year-old teacher's aide in Georgetown. "It was just, 'Get out of dodge, get out of our town and we'll pull together.'"

The Amish seem to really forgiving people. It's just sad that still most people in the United States are exteamly happy that he shot himself dead.

Smoking + Pumping Gas = Ignition

Police said the woman was pumping gas at a Race Trac near the University of Central Florida when a cigarette butt sparked the fire.

Flames burned the gas pump and set her car on fire.

"The car is virtually ruined," a fire official at the scene said. "(It happened) just by doing something stupid by smoking while fueling her car."

Signs near the gas pump said "no smoking."

The woman will not be ticketed for the incident, Local 6 News reported.

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Luckily this lady was not harmed BY THE FIRE SHE STARTED BY PUMPING GAS WHILE SMOKING A CIGARETTE! But what are the chances of this happening. They say no smoking but you really don't believe it until you're on fire.

What To Do And Not To Do In The Restroom

Who Will Save Us?

I bought some cereal today. It was good. Flipping through a porno mag I realized that we are seriously fucked at both ends. Unlike like the lady, we aren't being pleasured at all. Give us Americans a handjob Bush. We'll appreciate it.

She's A Smart One

Woman jogs
Woman hears animal in distress
Woman goes into the forest to help it
Woman falls down and sprangs her leg
Woman is now the animal in distress
Real animal in distress was a hungry bear
Woman eats berries and rainwater
Woman regrets trying to help animal
Woman starts a book club with fellow critters
Woman is rescued days later

Story Below:

Bonnie Graham told police she had been taking a walk on one of the paths that
runs through the wooded area between Witham Hill Drive and Harrison Boulevard
and was sitting on a bench in the dark when she heard a sound that she believed
to be an animal.

According to Officer Jim Zessin, Graham became
frightened and took off running into the woods. After a time, she twisted her
ankle and began crawling.

Ok I gotta pause for a minute here. You hear a sound coming from somewhere and you run into the woods for safety? Sounds like a making of good horror movie.

She eventually found her way into a tangle of
blackberries, where she stayed until Friday afternoon, when her cries for help
were heard by 19-year-old Trevor Heald.

Graham believed she had been in
the woods for three or four days, but according to police, Graham’s boyfriend
said he last saw her last Saturday. Police received a missing person report from
Graham’s boyfriend Friday morning.

Police estimate Graham is in her late
40s or early 50s, but could not confirm her age.

Officers were
astonished that Graham had made her way so far from any trail. She was found a
ways from any established bike or truck trail.

“I crawled 50 to 60 yards
on my hands and knees,” through a thicket of blackberries to get to Graham,
Zessin said.

Heald said he first heard Graham’s cries for help while he
was hiking, and following the sound of her voice, he established where she was
stuck, but couldn’t see her.

He didn’t have a cell phone, so he hurried
back home and called police to report that someone was injured in the brush.

Heald met Zessin back at the property, and led him to where he believed
Graham was.

“He did a great job,” Zessin said.

When Zessin
called out to Graham, her voice was so weak it sounded like a child’s. Zessin
was able to crawl through the blackberries to reach her.

“He valiantly
plowed through this tiny pathway,” Heald said as he pointed to a small tunnel in
the blackberries.

Police, paramedics and firefighters were called in to
extricate Graham from the brush. Because she was so far from any path, the
police and firefighters who first reached her had to place shirts, water bottles
and other indicators along the trail to lead the way.

It took saws, axes
and a lot of stomping to clear a path big enough to carry Graham through on a
backboard. As they waited for the path to be cleared, paramedics administered
fluids and pain medication, and Zessin and others kept her talking and made sure
she was alert.

“It was just a miracle that young fellow was hiking up
here to hear her,” said officer Steven Teeter, who helped lead firefighters to
Graham’s location, and who said there had been unconfirmed cougar sightings in
the area recently.

“That was my biggest fear, there were cougars. That’s
why we weren’t leaving until we found something or somebody.”

“I don’t
know how she got in there,” officer Avena Glock said.

She looked at the
hole where other officers had climbed through, evidenced by the bloody scratches
on Sgt. Michael Mann’s arms.

“It’s like Alice in Wonderland, crawling
through there,” Glock said.

When the path was finally cleared, and
paramedics were able to load Graham and carry her toward an ambulance parked
near the OSU poultry barns on Harrison Boulevard, everyone appeared relieved.

“Good job, Jim,” office Kyle Voll said to Zessin, who was also covered
in scratches, and, he feared, poison oak. Zessin said he could remember the last
time he’d been on a similar rescue mission.

“In the Marine Corps,” he
said dryly.